I am thankful the Lord ended his suffering. He was suffering with arthritis pains for many years now, and already had one hip replacement surgery. His hands were misshapen, as you often see with people with arthritis. It is a crippling, horrible disease. I can't imagine anything worse than having your body go long before your mind. To not be able to do the things you used to love to do, like hunting, fishing, going for rides, even walking. Things took a turn for the worse in the last few months. My dad was forced to live in a nursing home, as his condition was not something my mom could handle at home. My dad was not even able to attend my wedding, although his spirit and words were there, thanks to some great family members. More recently my dad had many infections (a side effect often paired with arthritis and it's medication). My dad also had bullous pemphigoid - also associated with arthritis. This caused his skin to have many wounds on it. In the end, my dad's kidneys failed. We're not sure that this is related to the arthritis, but his body was very sick and run down from everything he's gone through.
I am glad my dad died peacefully in his sleep. Finally he is in Heaven with our Lord, my grandpa, my two great uncles, and our three dogs. I was thankful to have been able to be there for his last few days. I am grateful for such supportive co-workers (I did not even worry about school once) and family who took shifts so we could have breaks at the hospital without leaving my dad alone. I am thankful to the nurses who treated my dad kindly and did all they could for him, and the doctors who did not give up until it was clear that nothing could increase his quality of life. For these things, I am thankful and humbled.
But my dad will be missed. His laughter and sense of humor was infectious. I will never go for a ride up north without thinking of him. Burl Ives and Johnny Cash will never sound the same. I'll probably never be able to sing karaoke without having a tear in my eye. Every family function will feel as if something is missing, someone is missing.
I am so thankful that people have such fond and vibrant memories of him, because that will help his spirit live on. I love hearing stories of how crazy and wild he was. Let's face it, most of his life he loved doing anything illegal and dangerous. He taught me to drive up north when I was 12. In winter, we hooked up a rope to the back of the truck and he pulled 5-10 kids on sleds - So dangerous, but fun and that was just him. I think he made me sing "Crazy" (Patsy Cline) on the karoake about a hundred times. Even though I complained, secretly I loved singing karaoke with my family. He taught me how to play cribbage. He taught me many Belgian songs (which I will pass on to my kids - sorry Brad). I will even miss pulling his socks off for him - I would do it a million times over to have him healthy.
But I know it's not possible. And so I am thankful that he is at peace. But the hurt is still there. I miss him. I feel sorry that he had such a difficult struggle with health at the end, and that he couldn't spend his last days up north or going for rides. Mostly I'm sorry my future children will never meet him. I'm sure he would have spoiled them rotten. But I am thankful that Brad knew him and loved him and can help me pass the memories on.
I love you, dad.
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