One Year Ago Tomorrow....

Tomorrow will mark one year since my dad passed away.  It is a sad day, because I miss him.  I still think of him pretty often.  I've got a million great memories.  I've also got some sad memories, mostly of his sickness and disability at the end.  I hate that he wasn't able to spend his last days going for rides up north.  But I like to think that in those last days, he was remembering the good times.  I hope he knows he was surrounded by family nonstop the last week of his life.  I wish I would have been brave enough to tell him how much I would miss him and how I appreciate everything he's ever done for me, but at the end, I just couldn't admit it was the end.  I felt like I would be failing him.  Now I wish I would have been able to talk with him a little more...  I am thankful that his suffering on Earth has ended and I KNOW he is in a MUCH BETTER place, but I still miss him.  It still hurts.

I wasn't really sure how to write this blog post and have started a million drafts.  I decided that I'm going to share the letter he wrote to me for my wedding. He was not able to come to the wedding, but my uncle and aunt secretly met with him to type a letter of what he wanted to say to me.  My uncle shared it at the wedding and it was beautiful and heartbreaking all in one.  I didn't think it was fair for me to keep this piece of him for myself, and knowing that lots of my close family and friends read this blog, I decided to share it on here.  Much of what he says reflect his life.  :)

A Letter from Dad 6/26/09
October 1979 first saw Beth...looking back to see if she was looking back at me.  Looked into my baby's eyes to see my babies' eyes.  
Remembering the times when mommy and I were worrying about what you would be...A boy or a girl, healthy or not.
When you were little we would drive into town to get Kentucky Fried Chicken and sneak little pieces of the coating and eat it before we got home.
Anticipation of kindergarten at Holy Martyr's ---Dad was waiting from eight in the morning till one in the afternoon to pick you up.  He felt like he was losing his best friend.
Then there was the move back to Green Bay, 1st grade at St. Mary's.  I can remember taking you and Casey fishing on the Bay and Casey was hardly big enough to walk and fell into the fishing hole.  It was the best fishing day I ever had on the Bay.
Mom and I were always working different shifts during the week so we couldn't do a lot of together things until the weekend, and then it was up north to see Grandpa.  It was always so nice to see him so happy to see us.
As I look back now, I knew that with every day that went by, there would be less and less time to spend with my girl.  As mother nature intended, we were starting to take our own ways.  First there was middle school, then high school and proms, college, and the dirty rat that would someday take my baby away.
2004, first time I met Brad.  First impressions are not always the right ones from a Dad's point of view.  I thought maybe he was too strict for Jessie because she was always kind of spoiled.  As I watched their relationship mature I could see how much they grew together.
Brad - no father-in-law could be more proud of a son-in-law.  Good education, good job, and good goals.
As I stand here watching you tonight, and believe me, I'm here, it's now time for Brad to take Jessie's hand, and Jessie to take Brad's hand and start carving your lives together.  Some day in the future "Grandma and I" are waiting to take Casey James Arthur Jr. to the cottage.  Which means Brad will have to teach him about wild asparagus picking.  And Jessie, what father could be prouder to have a girl as amazing as you.  College in Milwaukee, finding your own job teaching, and blessing your students with your qualities.  
Here's a toast.  Take these glasses and champagne for a toast from me and your mother.  Remember, Life is what you make of it.  How lucky was I to find your mother, and how lucky we were to have three children.


Jessie, I love you with all my heart.  Brad, I love you with all my heart.  Beth, my angel, we will never be apart.  


So let it be said here and now....Flatlanders rule ---ow, ow, ow


Love, Daddy