Well friends, it's Tuesday night and my beautiful mother is still with us. I've started a Caring Bridge site for updates, and you can check it out here if you want to. We've been at the hospital since Sunday late morning, and someone (actually, several of us) have been here at all times. Mostly us kids are here all day, taking breaks for meals when family members or friends come. My mom's siblings have been here a lot during the day and early evening. Herlaches and friends visit off and on. Pete's been here every day from 7-4 or so. We've been taking turns being here at night. Tonight me, Brad, Casey, and my uncle Pete are staying. I slept pretty well at home last night, so I think I'll be okay, but we'll see how it goes. It's important to be here since my mom can't really speak or advocate for herself. The nurses are so kind, and check on her/us a lot, but sometimes she gets uncomfortable in between checks, and then we're here to help or call a nurse.
I'm starting to get worried about how long and painful this process could be for her, and I pray that God is with her and has a plan that doesn't involve a lot more pain and suffering. But I'm also thankful for each minute I can sit with her, and hold her hand, and share memories and talk to her.
A lot of our nurses have shared that they lost their mothers to cancer, some even within the past year. They are very compassionate and kind, and I'm sure that's why. They can relate. It's horrible to think how many people cancer touches... My mom has been blessed to be able to live a fairly normal and happy life these past 13 years since being diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer, although she definitely lived in some pain and discomfort, especially with trying so many crazy chemos over the years. But finally, now that it seems close to her end here on Earth, I realize how truly horrible cancer is. It is slow and painful. It was easy to think it wasn't so horrible before, since I'm now realizing she worked VERY hard to make sure she was there for us and that we didn't worry about her. She never really admitted to being scared, being sick of it all, or giving up. Until maybe recently. She made comments over the past few weeks about how horrible it would be to suffocate and not be able to breath, and I am sitting here watching her breathing become more labored, and I fear her worst nightmare is coming true. I pray that our Father will not let that happen, and that He will call her to Heaven before that can be.
She's fought so hard for so long, and I can't imagine how happy she'll be to get to Heaven. There is no cancer in Heaven.
I know everyone out there has been praying for us. We feel it, as she has been mostly comfortable, and we've been able to take breaks and feel the love and support of our family and friends. Everyone wants to help. People have given us breaks, brought food, snacks, & coffee, sent flowers that brighten the room, and visited. It's soooo nice to have someone stay overnight with us. I think us kids feel better having a "parent figure" (read: aunt or uncle) around in case anything would happen in the night. I know it stinks to stay here overnight, it's exhausting...but we really really appreciate it. So thanks to Aunt Steph, Aunt Lori, and Uncle Pete so far for being troopers. And others have offered and we will probably take you up on that in the next few days.
Another small yet amazing miracle was that my cousin Leah was in town for my baby shower this past weekend, and she was supposed to fly back to CO on Monday, but her flight was the only one to CO that was canceled. She got to rebook her flight for free, and so she's in town until Sunday. She's here with her little boy, which makes it tough for her to physically be at the hospital all the time, but she's brought us food, made tons of sad phone calls, and much more for us. It's been amazing. And how would her flight be the only one canceled?! God knew having her here would be a blessing I think.
So friends, please keep praying for us. We are in need of lots of prayers for comfort, patience, love, and most of us, trusting in God's will and plan for my mom and us.
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